First semester of freshman year. Everyone says you learn a lot and they’re seriously right. And I guess the best/worst part is that you don’t stop learning. The challenges and life lessons aren’t really gonna stop.You don’t simply face something, learn from it, and move on. You are constantly learning and I think if we were to ever stop learning it’d be nearly impossible for us to really realize how much we need God.
As I’m writing this, sitting here on my couch in Memphis, TN, my home, with my dog by my feet, a Christmas tree lit up in the corner, and everything right in the world, I’m reflecting on this entire semester. It absolutely flew by, yet somehow thinking about it all seems as if it lasted a couple years, simply because so much happened.
I remember at the end of senior year and a lot of 2015 as a whole I kept being at amazed at just how much had happened in one year – 2 surgeries (and months on crutches), entering into my last year of high school/going to classes at a community college, changing relationships, insane amounts of swim practices and final swim meets, traveling out of the country, going on college tours, deciding whether or not to take a gap year and move out of the country, eventually deciding to go to Mississippi State, traveling out of the country again, laughs, tears, and everything in between. I was convinced that year was the craziest year of my life simply because so much had happened and affected me on such a deep level.
After that, I never would have guessed that even more could have happened in just four months. I never would have guessed that the majority of things that I would learn in my first semester of college hardly had anything to do with academics.
Obviously, yes, I was homeschooled and I would be silly to deny that this probably would have some effect on my transition, simply because of the fact that, even though I was, uh, “socialized” (?), there were still probably key aspects of school and life in general that I am sure I had missed out on. That doesn’t bother me in the slightest because I loved my high school experience. However, the transition for me was more difficult in different ways than I had expected. I am not sure what I had even expected for that matter…
Before college, when asking people about their own college experience I always heard things along the lines of “it is the best time of your life”, “it’s where you meet your friends for life” “you’ll never want it to end”, etc. I think these people were thinking more of college when they had “figured it out”, after the whole initial transition thing. I do believe these statements definitely could be true. In a way, they already are. I’ve met some incredible people and made the best friends and God has just showered me in blessings like that. However I’m realizing that I can’t yet say this is the best time of my life…it’s honestly so hard. And I want to be real about that.
I felt like I was thrown into an environment where I knew practically no one, joined a sorority after a rush week that was not entirely pleasant (but had a FANTASTIC ending – more on that later), had to re-learn how to study, go to class, learn new responsibilities, “get involved”, learn how to survive on a meal plan, try to stay in shape, survive on little to no sleep, figure out how to make new friends (which very few people do on a very regular basis, if you think about it), and learn how to make decisions that sometimes were and were not difficult/important.
On a scale of 1-10 on challenging, 10 being the most challenging, my semester was probably a solid 9.5. However, on a scale of 10 on fun, 10 being the most fun, that was also somewhere around a 9.5. I’d have to say it was the most extreme love/hate relationship I have ever experienced! Honestly I feel like first semester is just a trial run/practice round/teaser for the real thing. I don’t feel like I lived it to my full potential because I didn’t really know how to live it yet. I was just kind of flying around, trying to navigate things on my own, and figure out where my priorities are. I think most of life is kind of like that, honestly. I don’t think theres any way to avoid that newness and confusion, but here are a few things that I learned that I wish someone had told me before last semester:
Don’t Get Too Involved
In the words of Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, never half-ass two things, always whole-ass one thing. Honestly I think it’s great advice. Getting to college everyone is kind of screaming at you to get involved. Yes, it is important to get involved, but there is a such a thing as “spreading yourself too thin” and putting too much on your plate. Over committing because you’re trying to meet new people and try new things can do you more harm than good. This happens because you end up not being able to give your best effort to anything. Wouldn’t you rather excel at a select few things than just be very mediocre at a lot of things? I would.
You Don’t Have to Be Friends With Everyone, Avoid Surface-Level Friendships, and Grow in Meaningful Relationships
You don’t to be friends with everyone. It’s as simple as that. This was a huge thing for me, especially being in a sorority. Honestly, now is the time to be picky with your friends (which in no way means you need to be incredibly selective and only have a tight group of friends…definitely broaden your horizons and put yourself out there for great new friendships) You have a fresh start to be able to seek out people who build you up and make you a better person. If there’s someone you’ve been hanging out with that is a negative influence, you have no obligation to further that friendship. On top of that, there’s always the feeling that everyone else knows more people than you do. So then you go and “become friends” with as many people as possible. At least that’s what I did. This resulted in a few “surface level” friendships. I found myself surrounded by people yet still feeling lonely. Unfortunately it took me a long time to realize that was because I wasn’t cultivating intentional relationships with many people. I needed to stop with the small talk and create friendships with substance and depth.
*For more advice on how to make deeper connections with people and “skip the small talk”, watch this fantastic Ted Talk.
“Do It For the Mems”
This was one of the phrases me and my friends say a lot, “mems” meaning “memories”. There were a lot of times where opportunities became available to go do something or experience something that maybe I wouldn’t have normally just done. Sometimes the opportunity arrises to go to a formal with someone you don’t know and even though you would rather just stay in and watch Netflix, you go. Staying in and watching Netflix would have provided me with no memories. Going to that formal, whether or not it was super fun, provided me with some great memories, and that’s just one example. Sometimes you just have to get out of your comfort zone and embrace the moment when it arises and take a risk every now and then.
It’s Okay to Say No
You can apply this to any situation. College provides a lot of opportunities to do things that may or may not actually be good decisions, and it is so so so important to stay true to yourself and your values. Don’t do something you’re uncomfortable with just because it will be easier to make friends if you do. If you do that, you end up with friends who don’t hold the same values you do. Stay true to who you are and say no if you have to. Even if it has nothing necessarily to do with your values, it still is important to say no. Sometimes you’re exhausted and drained and need a night to yourself but a friend asks you to hang out. Don’t say yes just because you feel obligated to. College is never going to just offer you time to treat yourself and take care of yourself. If you need to stay in one night and order some Insomnia Cookies and do nothing, do it. You are the only one who knows what you need in order to be the best person you can be. If that means staying in on a night when all your friends are going out, do it, otherwise it just won’t happen and it’ll hurt you more in the long run.
But Say Yes When You Can
It’s also far too easy to get to comfortable with being by yourself, watching netflix, and eating food. Don’t do this!!! Get out, join a club, make some friends. Whether or not you’re an introvert or an extrovert, everyone needs healthy proportions of alone time and people time. And, like I said before, very few valuable memories are made by not doing anything. Sometimes, even if you may not feel like hanging out with some friends, if you feel like you can, then do it. There were several times this semester when I had to say no to things when I needed to take care of myself, and there were several times when I did things that maybe didn’t seem like the most fun at the time, but ended up being great in the long run. It’s the only way you can grow in friendships with people. Put yourself out there!
No One is Perfect
Not your RA. Not your roommate. Not your sorority sisters. Not your professors. Not you. Not anyone. The sooner you stop expecting them to be, the better. At the same time, find the good in people – I’ve been blessed by all the ^^above mentioned people!!! There will be so many times when you’re able to see the problems that other people have and if you don’t learn to love them through it, you’ll never learn to love anyone. Instead of looking for perfect people to be your friends, start just loving and soon you’ll have perfect friends. At the end of it all, everyone has been in rough spot at some point in their lives, and judging others for how they handle it or what they struggle with does no good at all.
Figure Out Your Priorities
This goes for time management in your class schedule and for what you want your future to look like. This is something I still find so difficult. It can be something as simple as deciding which club you want to join. Still, everything is important. For example, I really wanted to be involved with the RUF campus ministry, which met for large group every thursday night. However, sometimes other things would come up thursday nights (like sorority functions) so every now and then I would have to choose. Really, each thursday this happened, my decision wasn’t a big deal. But if I were to choose not to go to RUF every single time, I would start getting disconnected from RUF and then I would start losing that Christian community that is infinitely important to me. In this example, both campus ministry and sorority are priority in my life, yet sometimes you have to choose, and this goes back to staying true to your values and who you are. Figuring out priorities isn’t something that just happens, at least not for me. It still requires daily thinking and praying. Honestly, I don’t even know if I have very much advice on this because it is still something I am really learning. I guess all I can say is that I have learned that figuring out/staying true to your priorities is extremely important. How to do this? Stay tuned…
Give It to God
I have to constantly go back to this: God has me exactly where he wants me. Everything he does is for the good of his kingdom and he will never give me something that I can’t handle without His help. Sometimes I feel like maybe I am just messing up everything – making the wrong decisions, saying the wrong things, and ruining the plan. But how dare I think that I am even close to being powerful enough to mess up God’s plan?! I am always second guessing things, and frankly, even though I know I am exactly where I need to be, I still wonder if I made the wrong decision and I am supposed to be somewhere else. I think it’s probably impossible to never think “what if”. Therefore, the only way to ever be sure of anything is to put full faith in God. That’s so much easier said than done. But looking back at this semester and even right now, it is amazing to see God’s hand in every little detail that has happened and how he has orchestrated every event in my life – big or small. I am learning to take baby steps. God doesn’t show us the big picture. If he did, we’d know and then we would never go running to Him and we would never realize how much we truly need him. God shows us one step at a time, causing us to constantly lean on him and trust him every step of the way. And that is so comforting to be because I never know where I’ll end up. What I do know is God has big plans for me and every single other person on the planet. It’s just sacrificing the selfish desire to be in control that is key…and so hard for me.
sara beth 